Nanny Splurt

Splurt is looking for a new job.  Because his pictures were shared online he was fired from Droopies and is now trying to get a job as a nanny.  Who wouldn't let this guy watch their kids?

PUblic health warning

内側の平和 ‏@lovsdyck

 Balls screwing my TL Im lubing down to bad we have to do this don't want my herpes to spread to any innocent person.

This is a public health warning.  Anyone touching the naughty parts belonging to lovsdyck please see your physician immediately.

Relationship news rocks warriors

The warriors woke up to somber news this morning as they accessed their fakebook pages to check up on the latest news from their gang.  Last night Splurt announced that he is in a relationship and the collective thud of lard asses hitting the floor could be heard 'round the world.  Splurt has not made comment to his bevy of heifer loves, but was seen riding off on a stolen Huffy when questioned about his new love interest.  It was reported his only comment to our investigators was STAY TUNED!

Lopsided Turkey Feast

Someone better get PETA on the horn!  One of the Warriors is a conisseure of abused, lopsided dead turkeys.  She 'et it anyways!  NUM NUM!!!

内側の平和 ‏@lovsdyck

@NeedToEatDeadTurkeys Last ThanksGiving My Turkey I was about to cook was so bruised and LOPSIDED from abuse before it died

Go the F to Sleep, bitchy stupid face

Twatty is having trouble sleeping tonight. It's hard to lay down your bitchy stupid face when your blood pressure is so high.  We wrote her a bedtime story.  


go the fuck to sleep bitchy stupid face

The warriors nestle close to their hovels now. 
The she wolves have laid down with their mace. 
You’re cozy and warm in your bed, my dear.
Please go the fuck to sleep bitchy stupid face.


The windows are dark in the town, child. 
Collards hits the buffet at a panther's pace. 
I’ll read you one very last book if you swear 
You’ll go the fuck to sleep bitchy stupid face.


The tards who cry foul  are at rest 
And the creatures who crawl, run, and pace. 
I know you’re not thirsty. That’s bullshit. Stop lying. 
Lie the fuck down, my darling, and sleep bitchy stupid face.


The wind whispers what a fucktard you are, hon. 
The words you cannot erase. 
It’s been thirty-eight minutes already. 
Jesus Christ, what the fuck? Go to sleep bitchy stupid face.
 

Oh Glory!

There was a disturbance at the local truck stop.  Trucker Splurt stopped in for a quick glory hole and was caught in the middle of a vice raid.  Looks like his new gal pal Twatty is going to have to leave the mean streets for the night and beg for change.

Fifty Shades of Retarded

Mama always said don't type and hump at the same time.  Tonight Twatty didn't follow that advice and released a series of tweets that have left some Warriors gasping in shock.   It seems that Twatty purchased the 50 shades series and invited her new BFF over for a ahem - reading session.

OH MY!!! OH MY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY!! OHO OHOHOHOHOHOOH                  

Punch that goes DOUCHE!

Twatty McSleaze was just cornered in an alley and the fight was on.  Twatty was unprepared for this brawl and showed up with her douche nozzle.  A masked assailant was said to have kicked the tits right off of her. Better luck next time, Twatty!

WARRIORS Come out and plaaaaaaaayaaayyy!

This just in!  Twatty McSleaze has upped the ante and challenged her foes to a street fight.  They have assembled their gang and marked their turf.  From what we hear it was marked heavily with urine and skid marks.  Hazmat has been called in to clean up. Twatty was heard screaming:

Now, here's the sum total: One gang could run this city! One gang with one brain. Nothing would move without us allowing it to happen except bowel movements we let those happen all the time. We could tax the crime syndicates, the police, because WE got the streets, suckers! Can you dig it?  We challenge you to a street fight!!!

Summers Christmas Eve

Christmas is coming early for Twatty McSleaze.  This year she was able to hang ornaments from her head to her toes and stand before her Mt. Dew Christmas tree and sing a beautiful carol.

Oh come all ye crazy
Woeful and schizophrenic
Oh come ye oh come ye to twiiiitttttterland.
Come and restrain me
Born the Queen of fucktards
O come, let us adore me
O come, let us adore me
O come, let us adore me
Twatty McSleaze.

Chin Pecker Outbreak

The CDC has been called in to work overtime to figure out what is happening with the Crabby Warriors.  JustJonsee was rushed to the ER for an emergency enema and chin pecker outbreak.  She is being quarantined without internet and twitter access while medical experts attempt to remove Baste's balls from her chin.

Get well soon Jonsee!!

Donations Needed

As luck would have it Baste will be able to come up with her bail money for the contempt of court charge.  Splurt just got a job at Droopers Wings and Things and will be hustling tables for some change.

She's IRElish!

The world is stunned!  First it was the revelation of the Doomsday Mayan prophecies that will end the world on December 21, 2012 that rocked civilization to its core but now an even greater upheaval is upon us!  The United Nations has called an emergency meeting to address the secret scrolls which were found in Baste's basement this morning.  Baste has proudly proclaimed her Irish heredity to all who would listen and this morning she revealed the Dead Leprechaun Scrolls which have turned historian against historian.  Her great great great great great grandfather Braveheart was NOT Scottish at all, but a LEPRECHAUN!!!!

The trouble with Scotland is that it's full of leprechauns!

Basteheart

WHO KNEW!!

Baste ‏@Baste

@DoUKnowhowtoburnAnts I AM! Distant grandfather was Braveheart.

Boycott Backlash!!!

BREAKING NEWS!!! BREAKING NEWS!!  We need to interrupt your regularly scheduled viewing to report a near mishap in the courtroom today.  Baste was hauled into court and asked to pay back 2499999999 hours of time wasted on twitter while working as a criminal advocate and all hell broke loose in court.  When questioned about her stalking activities and drilled about her mental capacity, Baste lost her shit.  In a fit of screams and body jerks she was heard to proclaim BOYCOTT BACKLASH!  I HATE YOU CASEY ANTHONY! I WANT YOUR BOOBS!!! WHY DOESN'T YOUR DAD CALL ME?  I GAVE HIM ALL MY CHIPS!!

Getting off on Misery

Lameie808 ‏@Lameie808

@daisychain123 @JustJonsee They get off.  oh sweet misery  Don't let them win. Twisted sister rocks.

Lameie has vowed not to let anyone else get off on her sweet misery but herself.  We're still not sure what Twisted Sister has to do with any of this.

Shake it Mammy!!

内側の平和 ‏@lovdyck

#RT #SHAREvote4mylargeass.wordpress.com/2012/09/28/completely-uncalled-for/ …

Lovdyck is at it again!  Seems the twitter cop career isn't paying off as well as she thought it would so she has had to supplement her income doing webcam shows.  We caught lovdyck last night in her debut premier.  We tried to get a comment from her afterwards but she was very very winded.

Blessings Be

Baste ‏@Baste

@daisychain123 that's how I start my day. lot of FB friends posted that they were going to miss my morning prayers. Maybe some here need it more

Gather round brothers and sistren!  Pastor Baste is here to fill you with divine intervenousness and flood your hearts and nostrils with her glorious flatulence.   Lettuce pray.

now I lay me down to weep
I pray that George Anthony
will visit me in my sleep.
and if Cindy rears her gnarly head
I will cut a bitch.
the end.

Twitter Cop

BREAKING NEWS!!!  Lovsdyck has decided to turn in her tassles and custom made lingerie from Uncle Joe's Tent Shack for the laid back and baton busting position of Twitter Cop.  Lovsdyck has vowed to hit her spam button often.  Her can of spam is relieved.  The guys at Club Droopies are really saddened by lovsdyck's resignation.  She'll still stop by Droopies occassionally to compete as a flabber girl at  2XXXXXXX Thirsty Tuesday's.

You go girl!!!

C011@rdsH3r3

BREAKING!!!!!!  CollardsHere has just been spotted at the National Buffoons Alliance symposium where she is beign honored as head turd.  Congratulations COLLARD!

Lovsdyck

Sit down for this one readers! Lovsdyck has formally started her world masturbation day campaign.  We here at AT3 hope that this will keep her pudgy little fingers busy instead of twitting all day.

Jack Spratt's Old Lady

In a move that shocked the twitosphere Mrs. Spratt headed to the Curt Room to beg the overseers of the internet to cut her some slack.  Please oh mighty internet overlords make them stop!!

Jack Spratt could eat no fat
Twatty could take no flames.

Basted

There is much ado in turd land.  Relationships will be rocked to the core as Baste's secret internet love life is revealed to her beloved Warriors.  It seems that this mindful housewife has been tagging it up on the internet's version of disharmony.com.  Baste proclaims herself to be filled with southern charm and grace.  Rumor has it the only things full are her plastic lady pants.